CALL PERRY MASON! – AT 9:02 A.M. ET:  You know, I don't know if I can stand the excitement.  With the Anthony trial finished in Florida, with the case against Dominque Strauss-Kahn collapsing in New York, can our delicate systems stand one more legal spectacular?  Brace yourselves:

TEHRAN (FNA)- Iran announced on Wednesday that it plans to try 26 US officials in absentia and file lawsuits against them at international bodies.

"Iran will certainly put the 26 US officials on trial in absentia and will pursue their cases at international circles," member of the parliament's National Security and Foreign Policy Commission Seyed Ali Aqazadeh told FNA.

"The Islamic Republic has earlier lodged complaints with international circles against the crimes committed by certain US officials in different countries, but today it has compiled a plan for sanctioning 26 US officials and will try these 26 criminals based on the plan," he added.

Aqazadeh lamented that while the 26 American officials have played direct roles in the US crimes in Iraq, Afghanistan and other countries, they still continue their activities in different posts in the US very freely today.

Yeah, I'm sure it'll be a regular Nuremberg Tribunal.

Some of the 26 aren't all that well known to the public.  But the stars of the group are the usual suspects – Gen. David Petraeus, Gen. Stan McChrystal (name spelled wrong in the story), former FBI Director Louis Freeh (name spelled wrong, job listed wrongly as former CIA director), FBI Director Robert Mueller (name spelled wrong, incorrectly listed as former CIA director), General Tommy Franks, former Undersecretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz (incorrectly named as former secretary of defense), former Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey (dates of his chief of staff position are incorrectly stated)...well, you get the picture.

We don't know when the trial of these officials will begin.

As to the person who researched and wrote the story, his trial should begin sometime later today, and we recommend the death sentence.

July 7, 2011